It's strange how things are beginning to hit us in fresh waves of joy and grief as we process all that's happened in the last 2 years. Some call it post traumatic stress-a term I never thought we'd associate ourselves with. But now that the pace isn't so fast and we are left with time to think about all that's happened, we certainly notice how difficult it has been.
For instance, tonight it dawned on me for the first time ever that Ava had two lines protruding from her chest. It must have been so uncomfortable to have those rubber lines dangling from her body but we never had time to feel sorry for her or think about how unnatural it was. The Hickman double lumen line was a necessity for her and we all had to do our part. Her part was to endure the treatments; our part was to make sure we didn't fall apart.
I actually remember being in such denial of the gravity of it all that I asked the surgeon to please place the line where the scar wouldn't show if she ever wanted to wear a bikini. I think it was my way of dealing with the impossible thought that my child could maybe die. It forced my mind to believe there would be a day when our biggest problem would be finding a swimming suit that wouldn't betray all the pain of her past...
Wow, I didn't anticipate having so much to say about her dressing change. I've been surprised with the sudden emotions that have snuck up on us as we approach Ava's one year post transplant anniversary. It's a bitter sweet time of celebration and reflection, two things that we may not stop doing for a long while.
Thanks for joining with us on this journey and for welcoming us back from the weary road with outstretched arms.
#byebyehickman #mygirlava #oneyearofnewlife
1 comment:
Loving that Bulls shirt ava!
Post a Comment