Sunday, October 19, 2014

Seattle Bound

Everything is set. The tickets have been bought, the suitcases are being packed, the goodbyes are being said. Up until now, the waiting game brought us a moment of peace amidst the whirlwind we knew was bound to happen once plans were set in motion.

But here we are now, in that storm, running around trying to make everything work when actually things are flipped upside down. We should be cleaning the house for the arrival of baby but instead we are deconstructing everything so that we can pick up and move. The Christmas lights are being put further into storage when they should be unpacked to decorate the dark nights that are coming up.

Ava's hair is another reminder that this storm is not over and is managing to unglue what little of our lives we have pasted back together since her diagnosis. Her hair had been growing in thick but, without any notice,  it began to fall out again revealing sad bald spots all over.  And as quickly as she is losing her hair, I'm losing my words. I have nothing left yet we are getting ready for seemingly the longest journey of our lives.

I know everyone is curious about how we are doing. I am curious too. There are days I think we are good and we mindlessly check things off our lists. But then there are days like today, when I hear her deep laughter and look into her sparkling eyes and I don't know if I can hold in the ocean of tears. Instead of losing my composure, I focus on studying every detail of that moment: her hair, her eyes, her words, her laugh. I commit these things to memory because I don't want to lose that too. I think we will need to recall these moments in the next few months and so I meticulously collect them.

The next leg of this journey will be tough. As hard as it will be to uproot, leave our home and our support system of family and friends, have the baby in Seattle, etc., it will be even harder to see my girl in pain. I pray and pray and pray that what the future holds will not steal her joy and her laughter and her sparkling eyes. I pray that God would uphold our family as we watch her suffer from the sidelines. I pray that she would pull through like the champ that she is, that she would beat cancer down, and that she would not lose her innocence in the process. Finally, we pray that no amount of trouble would make us falter in trusting in His goodness and His love.

Thank you for helping our family make such good memories this year. Despite the hard times, our hearts are filled to the brim with really special and happy times we shared with you, with each other, and with, our girl, Ava. We anticipate more of God's goodness in the midst of all of life's storms because we believe that He makes all things beautiful in His time.


Peter said...

Esther, Mike, Ava and Gwen,
You do not walk alone in this life's journey, for He is with you every step of the way. May God protect you always, and know that we carry you in our hearts also! With much love,
Peter, Lily, Ethan and Claire

Anonymous said...

To the Lee Family, I am sure He has travelled with you to Seattle and continues to watch over you!
Ava, I hope that tooth finally came out. I am sure the Tooth Fairy will find you wherever you are.
Mrs. S.