Ava has been wanting to talk about heaven more and more these days. We've had some brutal conversations these past few days.
But, somehow, they were laced with beauty. Knowing she is not scared of death is tremendous. It's peace that transcends all understanding. It is God's goodness to us. And, it is a gift she is giving straight from her soul to ours.
Her birthday is coming up and she has been wishing and wishing for a small puppy. I reminded her that she has Pippin. She told me that she has room in her heart to love both.
This morning when she came up to me to ask a question, I thought it was going to be about the puppy again. I turned to her, ready to lecture her about the need to wait for that wish.
But this is what she said instead.
Ava: Not saying this is going to happen, but if I die...what would you do with my body?
Me: (trying to maintain composure) What would you like us to do, Ava?"
Ava: Well, I think it would be scary to be in a graveyard. So do you think you can make me into ashes?
Me: (with tears) That's what I was thinking, Ava. Then I could take you wherever I go.
Then she smiled really big.
She has changed my life forever. She has led me to a deeper relationship with Christ. She has removed the veil between heaven and earth so that we can see life for the temporary time that it is. And she has conquered the fear of death.
Our precious child, who should be looking forward to a full life ahead, is gently planning for the end of life.
We continue to pray that He would extend her life far beyond ours, so that we might be the ones waiting for her in heaven.
May God, in His goodness, honor her life, her faith, and her fight.
May beauty come from these ashes.