Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A very real post about nothing really

It's been non-stop action since we were told Ava needed a transplant and we headed out to visit the best transplant centers we could find. After Ava's bone marrow biopsy last Wednesday, we piled into the car and drove to Ohio. Then a few days later, we found our way to Minnesota. Each consult was balanced with grim realities and hopeful outcomes as we were laden with more info than a first year med student. :)

It's sobering to hear statistics about my child's case. Especially, you know, because my girl is special to me, a one-of-a-kind gem. She's not a number, an interesting case, or, God forbid, a statistic. But the reality is that Ava is in very real danger of a relapse if we do not move quickly. Yet, how can we get our whole lives in Chicago neatly packed up in a few short days? How do we tell Ava to say goodbye to her room, her house, her friends, her school, her church, her dog, her aunts and uncles and cousins, knowing that she is flying full fledged into the most precarious situation she has ever known?

This requires supernatural strength like we've never had to showcase before. Our hearts are made of steel as we give Pippin away for a year. Our smiles defy logic as we cheer Ava along as if our trip to Seattle is a fantastic adventure. The longing for our past lives is hidden behind calm and collected posts and conversations about what the future holds.

Yet, the truth is, our hands tremble and betray us as we type out list after list of "things to do", our hearts waver between the choices we have made so far,  and our smiles are traded in for heart-stopping sobs as we ponder the unfathomable.

We want our girl happy; we want our girl healed; we want our family complete.

But life is not about what we want. It's about something bigger than us. And so we lay down our frantic fears and put up our shaky hands and expect greater things, more beautiful things. Because, after all, it's not about this life anyway.



2 comments:

Beverly Tucker said...

I will never stop praying for all of you. God hears.

David said...

Esther, I am praying for you. Praise the Lord have the strength in you trust the mighty Lord heal Ava. Please take a great care of yourself and Ava.