Friday, May 2, 2014

bear with me

i can't sleep because i have to write. I can't write because i have to sleep. i have a million ways i'd rather express what i have to say but, at this point, i just want to get it out there. we need prayers for ava. i'll most likely write a more coherent post later and patty will definitely write a clearer post soon as well.
good is good and bad is bad. the two don't mix. the only one who's able to make the bad good is God.

ava: it's so unfair that i have cancer. i wish i were just a regular kid that goes to school everyday.
me: i know, baby. but life is unfair. it's not fair that we have a home to live in but others are homeless. it's not fair that we have food to eat and others go hungry. it's not fair that we can go to a hospital for your leukemia and other's cant. (i could have gone on all day)
ava: (cutting me off because she probably gets it far better than i do) and it's not fair that jesus had to die in our place.

we are counting our blessings every freaking day lest we forget how unfair things are in our favor.

for those of you praying with us so far, thank you so much for your love. what more could we ask for and what more could we want? we desperately need prayers that ava's cancer is in remission with ZERO percent blasts. her biopsy is this Wednesday. depending on the results, we will have two very different treatment plans. the optimal outcome (if she is in remission) is that we stay on ALL and beat this thing like nobody's business. the second option (if cancer cells are still present) is to move immediately back to AML therapy and actively look for a bone marrow transplant. i think it's okay to say that i'm terrified. thank you for carrying this with us.

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26

(after reading over this post, i realize i have been saying the same news over and over again about ava's treatment. but for some reason each time i hear it from the doctor, it's like i'm hearing it for the first time. maybe because i'm still waiting for them to say "just kidding" and instead it's just getting increasingly "real." more on that later but thank you for letting me process things over and over again. you are patient and kind. ;) and i am blessed.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Esther,
You're not repeating yourself. Your blog is rich and been such a blessing.Yes, noted your earnest pleas for next week or the future, for that matter. This is a community project - supporting our members of His household. Love, Siew-Kim.