Sunday, June 15, 2014

Broken Hallelujah

I have written and re-written this post too many times now. There are so many things I want to say to help you understand where we are now, to give you a glimpse into my heart, but I am realizing that it is too painful. I am so sorry.

I raised her with love. I nursed her with care. I covered her with hugs and kisses. She loved me with abandon. She grew my faith. She gave me a purpose.

Today, we ask for prayers. Our Ava can't die because then I fear all of our hearts will stop beating too. Please join with me in praying that Ava would be 100% MRD negative by next week's bone marrow biopsy.

I know many of you have prayed with me in fervency and with tears. You have showered us with blessings in every form. You have reminded us of your presence and we have not lacked in any good thing. We ask you, with humility, once again to storm heaven on behalf of Ava.

Patty covered all the medical side of things really well but to recap, Ava is allergic to one of her chemo drugs. We tried it in two different forms and now have run out of options for this drug. Yet, we have to reach MRD negative without its help by next week. In patients with ALL leukemia, any amount of cancer cells greatly impacts the prognosis of a bone marrow transplant. If Ava reaches MRD negative by the grace of God, we will continue with maintenance therapy for the next two years. This would be the most ideal situation. If not, she will be moved to AML therapy in hopes that we can get her MRD even lower. At that point, she may go to transplant despite the risks because that may be the only option.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to think. We are holding her close and loving the heck out of her. We are cherishing the days. We are smiling a lot and laughing a bunch. We are weeping at night and praying our hearts out. And we are asking for more and more prayers from our friends and family.

We are stumbling around determined to praise God in all circumstances, even if it's just one measly broken hallelujah.


2 comments:

Allison Hines said...

Romans 8:26-27 NIV

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for pouring you heart out. I take none of your sharing for granted. Thank your for the reminder of the many hardship and pain thta many saints are undergoing. We love because He first loved us. May you experinece the kind of grace and blessings that only He can bestow. Bonded in His love and prayers.