Wednesday, October 7, 2015

My Warrior

Gwen had a neurology appointment today to discuss the implications of her headaches and the cysts they found in her brain. It was reassuring to hear that the headaches were most likely not caused by the cysts. Instead, the neurologist told us that Gwen was likely physically reacting to all of the emotional stress from the past two years of dealing with her sister's cancer.

Oof. My four year old is experiencing stress. I had wished my children's youth would be golden not shrouded in pain. I wanted them waking up to excitement for what the day holds, not worrying about whether or not they would live to see a better day. Siblings of cancer kids have endured much.

Dear Gwen,
I'm sorry we couldn't protect you from the suffering. You are strong beyond your years. When our grief was too much and we hunched our shoulders over in defeat, you lifted up our chins and our spirits as you searched to meet our eyes. With deep compassion you felt for tears and if they were wet, as often they were, you dried them and told us not to cry. You are a protector of our hearts, even taking our burdens as your own. They say you are too young to know, but you have known and loved and suffered alongside us for years. Thank you and I'm sorry.

Today we spent the day watching dolphins, eating Chikfila and icecream. Your eyes sparkled and your smile dazzled. Here's to many more days doing what we couldn't do for you for the past two years. Here's to you, my pint-sized warrior.

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