Friday, July 25, 2014

Hold My Hand

We have been going on bike rides as a family the last few nights. Mike rides ahead with Gwen in the trailer, Ava stays in the middle, and I head up the back. It's unbelievable that we are at the stage in life where our babies are actively participating in life with us.

Ava has been relishing these bike rides and so have we all. We start off around 8 when the weather cools down and we slowly and steadily explore our neighborhood. Riding behind Ava gives me time to think. (She bikes pretty slowly.) I see her gaze move from this interesting thing to that and I tell her to keep her eyes on the road. She stops to comment on the mailbox that looks like a cow. We see a bunny hopping through a yard. She asks questions that get lost in the wind and I have a chance to breathe all of this in from where I am. She rides tirelessly, stopping only for one thing: curbs.

The other night, we started off a little later than usual which meant that by the time we had sufficiently lost ourselves in the neighborhood, we realized it had gotten very dark. We turned our bikes around and headed for home. As the sunlight slipped below the horizon, she began to sing a song. "Shine, shine your light. Just a little bit is all we need. God, shine, shine your light on me."

And soon we were surrounded by darkness. Gwen needed to use the bathroom and we weren't far from home so Mike picked up the speed to get her back...which left Ava in the lead. She pedaled on as strong as ever and belted out her song, making up more verses each time. But every time we got near a curb, she stopped and looked back at me. "Mama, I need you. Will you hold my hand?"

We must have hit 5 curbs on the way home and each time she slowed down to a crawl and looked back at me expectantly. I never once felt annoyed or frustrated or disappointed that she couldn't get across that curb without my help. In fact, I felt honored that she looked toward me and trusted that I would get her safely across that obstacle.

Even knowing that God has more than a mother's heart, I still fret that I'm too needy when it comes to my fears. I still reach out my hand and ask Him to hold on. I still rely on Him to get me across. Yet, I'm pretty confident that He is not disappointed or discouraged by dependance, especially in my fears.

We are patiently waiting for the results of today's biopsy and it feels like a major curb in our lives. We don't know how we'll get across. But I do know that He has my hand and He won't let go until I'm where He wants me to be.

"Take My Hand, Precious Lord" -Thomas Dorsey

Precious Lord, Take my hand,
Lead me on, let me stand,
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.
Through the storm, Through the night,
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, Lead me home.

When my way grows drear, precious Lord linger near
When my light is almost gone
Hear my cry, hear my call
Hold my hand lest I fall
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

When the darkness appears and the night draws near
And the day is past and gone
At the river I stand
Guide my feet, hold my hand
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home


Anonymous said...

this was beautiful. i hope you don't mind that i mentioned your family during one of my bible studies at church. i am the youth leader for a group of ~8 kids ranging from middle school to high school. i used your quote, about how all of our life obstacles have gone through God's sovereign hands. i told the kids about how you have times where you struggle to hold on, but you still glorify God so much and still love him more than you ever did before. you are a great inspiration to not only me but everyone who knows you or reads this blog. i hope you feel strong, and when the moments of weakness arise, that God will be there to lift you back up. i pray that Ava will be healed and that this story can be used as a source of encouragement and testimony of God's never ending love. You, Ava and your family are always in my prayers. God bless.

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